It's difficult to NOT be insulted these days, regarding presidential wannabe's --

Do the Republican and Democratic National Committees really think we're so brain dead as to really WANT to rally behind ANY of these second-rate homunculi they're offering to be their beards?

We're offered --

Rudy Giuliani -- a man whose only qualification is that he was mayor when someone bombed his city and he didn't totally fall to pieces the way the president did. (A president, may I remind you, who is being compared unfavorably to Richard Nixon.)

Mitt Romney -- a man who looks and talks like a smiling zombie version of a Ken Doll and recites his sound bites as if his string is being pulled to produce such insane homilies as: "More military, more guns..."

John McCain -- ok, I get it -- you were brave and tough in the POW camp, but that means you didn't see ANY of the Vietnam war, and the only thing you had going for you was your integrity, and you traded that for a handful of Bush-Cheney I.O.U's.

But wait...

Hillary Clinton -- she's smart and tough, and she lost me when she spent half a year or so trying on who she was supposed to be in public -- anti flag-burning amendment (what?), anti gay-marriage (right), insisting her vote on the war was right because she didn't have a clue that the Monkey Boy and his bloodsucking Vice President were just flat out pretending they hadn't already decided to invade the wrong country for insane reasons not stated. If she can't see a deranged sociopath for what he is, then how in hell can anyone see her as President 44?

Barack Obama -- yeah, right -- class president. Hey Barack -- it's EASY to denounce the vote for war when you weren't there. Smart as a whip and too clever by half. Too stupid to learn the score and run 4 or 8 years later. Ring tones?

Joe Biden -- oh don't even ask.

John Edwards -- I can't tell if he's really a good candidate that the DNC doesn't want because they can't control him or if he's just a benchwarmer for the DNC who WILL pick up all the votes from the people who, in the privacy of the voting booth, will NOT vote for a black man or a white woman.

Fred Thompson -- Jesus -- can't the commentators see his popularity is completely geared to Republicans absolutely not comfortable with any of the approved "first tier." Who knows what he is? He hasn't been in office for 15 years, working part-time since then as a lobbyist and an actor. I guess his performances of being almost believable on Law & Order mouthing conservative lines Dick Wolf's people put in his mouth makes him attractive.

Al Gore -- if he's stupid enough to be willing to give up the right to say what he thinks and REDUCE his power and influence to run for president, then he really ISN'T as good as people think, the ones who want him to run.

Chris Dodd -- I don't understand how a man can be virtually eliminated from the race purely because he has enough experience to be qualified for the job.Except that he comes on like a putz.

Bill Richardson -- same thing, except he's actually likable, a sort of chubby Chicano Ronald Reagan -- ONLY insofar as congeniality is concerned (which is important) -- he's "a resume candidate," again meaning he has a lot of experience. He's also candid about his mistakes, and when embarrassed (as with Wen Ho Lee) tries to change the subject but doesn't spin the past reality, doesn't try to pretend it was other than what it was -- a bad mistake. Here's a guy who's actually a mensch and qualified. Not a chance.

Dennis Kucinich -- has some good stuff to say but always comes on like a hungover hobbit -- cranky, disheveled, and projecting an expectation of loss, which people will then gladly fulfill for him.

Mike Gravel -- the only reason to watch the debates, but this delightful fellow who calls himself "the crazy uncle running for president" is good only for one very important thing -- saying the things and posing the issues to force the others to get outside their comfort zone sound bites and possibly even think. That's why they want him out of the debates so they can go back to them being master-bates.

Ron Paul -- same thing as Mike Gravel on the truly conservative side, but not as crazy. A Conservative in the Barry Goldwater mode, a man who has actually lived the life he's singing about in his current song, not a religious fanatic calling himself Conservative. The difference? The actual Conservative does not want the government to get into wars of adventure, does not want the government to interfere in private decisions (such as whether or not a woman wants to carry a pregnancy full term and give birth, whether or not gay men or women are people and citizens and should have the same rights as everyone else to marry, whether or not someone is allowed to join the Army and kill people for the US of A based on what kind of genitals he or she fantasizes about, etc)
The others -- Sam Brownback, Jim Gilmore, Mike Huckabee, Duncan Hunter, Tom Tancredo, and Tommy Thompson all pretend to be Conservative but in fact are all Theocrats who -- in varying degrees -- want their particular version of Christian Moonlight to become secular law controlling our lives.
It's easy to love Ron Paul as the most admirable person in the mix, but also to definitely not want to have a president who wants to eliminate Social Security, the Department of Education, Medicare, etc.

Would that we could have a plebiscite between now and November 2008 and add NONE OF THE ABOVE to the ballot.


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