I cannot imagine surviving a presidential election -- especially this one -- without Betty Bowers -- let "America's Best Christian" save us from total despair. Read her insights, buy her products, celebrate her "better-than-us-ness."

Her insights to the first presidential debate:

I will say this: President Bush may have come across in his reaction shots as a tad surly and scared, but he is quite the sassy little coquette in his new beige blond hairdo! How fabulous that Mr. Bush chose not to stay the course with yesterday afternoon's white 'do that, all for the wont of intentionally cheap pearls, risked making him look like his mother after an elusive diet...

On a positive note, I'm glad that the President was able to clearly pronounce the non-flip-floppity Bush Doctrine of Foreign Policy: We can invade Iraq without consulting anyone, but can't even talk to North Korean without China holding our hand.