From 2/5/05: Condoleezza Settles into State Department, Lays First Clutch of Eggs

---once again, Baba Yaga --

After a rocky and controversial start as the new Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice made the State Department her own today when she laid her first clutch of eggs in an assistant’s filing cabinet. As many as 200 or more nymphs are expected to emerge from the egg sac over a period of several weeks. The fact that Rice had evidently been secreting pheromones to signal her readiness to mate may account for the small number of Senators who protested her recent appointment as Secretary of State. “That explains why the male Senators were so complacent,” said Senator Barbara Boxer, “But we’re still wondering about Diane Feinstein and Hillary Clinton.”

After an elaborate ritual courtship dance followed by copulation, Rice removed and devoured her beau’s head, effectively putting to rest the question of why she never married. “It’s a little known fact that cannibalism does not always occur when Secretaries of State mate,” said white house spokesman Scott McClellan, “but in this case, she wasn’t digesting a significant amount of prey.” Rice reportedly killed and ate several lawyers last week, not her preferred prey, as they do not have high nutritional content.

The nymphs, who will be virtually indistinguishable from Rice except in terms of size, will feast on the corpse of their father for the first months of their life. Like most children of political figures, they will then undergo several stages of molting and private education before they are fully-grown. “I’m thrilled to become a mother for the first time,” said Rice, who expressed hope that only a few of her offspring would consume each other. When asked if her decision to reproduce at this time was in some way connected to a future invasion of Iran, Rice replied that it was “Not on our agenda at this time.”

Ahhh, sad but true -- better to present a few perfect gems than to try, as with a tv miniseries, for example, to string it out for another season and another, when you said what you wanted to first time around. Still, I would love to see more. A master and an artist.



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