Tuesdays with Melvin

Dear Mel -- if YOU don't PERSONALLY make the apology, but instead have (or let) your publicist do it, then it isn't an apology at all.

It raises the prospect that maybe all you did was just tell the publicist "Take care of it," and didn't write it, work on it, say it, or even know what it was in either press release.

Your ongoing characters' primary virtue is they all have serious large brass balls.

So far, you haven't shown us that YOU, as an individual, have any.

It takes a big man to make a public apology, but you seem to be just one more short little punkass hiding out from the pissed off public at some rehab center for drunks. (Got a note from your doctor, eh?)

There are lots of other swaggering little banty roosters out there who'll gladly step into your place in a Noo Yawk minute, so don't worry about us lacking for your kind of entertainment. We'll survive.

And if I can't find a good action-adventure movie to occupy my time, well, I'll just have to call up some other Jews and start a war.

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