Open request to Senator Larry Craig

OK, fine --
You're not gay.
You're not bi.
You "don't approve of either of those lifestyles."
Fine.

Listen -- I don't care what you do, who you fuck, where you do it (in bedroom or bath, public or private) and I don't care how. I don't care where you put your thing or where you invite others to put THEIR things.

But FOR THE LOVE OF GOD --- ENOUGH!!!

Stop putting it on TV and Radio.
Stop putting it in our ears and eyes.

Please -- with all due respect

I don't want to see your wife sitting there by your side smiling domestically.

(How would I know if she's Miss Sodality Society all Apple Pie and oatmeal or Miss Sodomy Society using a gigantic strap-on with a picture of Ronnie Reagan's face on the tip? AND I REALLY REALLY REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW.)

PLEASE just shut the fuck up.

Let it go.

The time to protest your innocence was back then, there, in the MSP Airport Terminal Men's Room.

Why would you want to keep reminding us of that moment of terminal tackiness?


Have mercy on us all and please, with all due respect, just shut the fuck up.