The Khalid Sheik Mohammed Deal

Our guys said -- "We need to take the heat off of our guys -- Scooter Libby, Iraq, Alberto Gonzales, Ben Laden still running around loose, and all the other stuff that's not supposed to catch up with us until we're out of office, so you confess and we make a deal."

"You can't get anything out of me with torture, you know that, and you can't bribe me ... but there's one thing..."

"What?"

"You agree to stop using that fucking photograph that looks like you just dragged me out of a dumpster..."

"Well we did, remember?"

"Doesn't matter. How do you think my mother feels? Stop using that photograph and I'll confess to anything you got."

"9-11?"

"Sure. And 10-11 and 7-11 -- those slurpies are criminal ... hell, I'll confess to trying to kill Jimmy Carter if you want. Anything that makes me look tough without making me look like I live in a sewer. And convince Ben Laden he shouldn't have dumped me as too crazy to be a suicide bomber."


And the deal was done.


And of course, the Feds went back on it.