The Return of Sam IGAF

When I was in college, we had a hero who was not impressed by any of the rah-rah activities.

His name was Sam Igaf -- from an old Serbo-Gazinian family name not pronounceable to the Ellis Island patronage clerks who changed it. And Gleetska and Wilhelm Igiveafuck became Gail and William Igaf. And people said things like: "TGIF - IGAF."


The NBA is in a dither. David Stern, the Commissioner, is tearing out his hair because referee Tim Donaghy is accused of betting on his own games and therefore possibly point-shaving. Or as my friend Jack put it today "You meet him in the parking lot before the game, give him $100 and tell him which team you want to win."

Oh my, how tragic. Igaf.

And then Michael Vick became the 394th NFL player to be indicted for something connected to beating up women or some other violence or guns or drugs or fast cars this year. But Michael -- you could do almost anything -- you could fuck sheep (you're a suthren man and people would understand) -- but killing dogs? Invest in a beer distributorship or a car dealership or sell insurance -- you ain't never playing quarterback again -- not in the NFL, not in the Canadian League, not even in Arena Football. Not when people know you're a dog killer.

And Commissioner Roger Goodell is sooo upset. Doesn't matter how much jiggery-pokery the rich rich owners are up to. Doesn't matter that the game is called "cripple your opponents" and that they (the owners) won't put up a decent fund for the players they cripple because then they wouldn't make even more more money. Their attitude toward the Young Men who are Servants of the Goddess and Who Water the Autumn Soil with their Blood to Guarantee the Crops Will Grow?

"Fuck 'em if they didn't save their money. There's always SSI".
But a Dog-Killer! Heavens to Murgatroyd! I really truly gaf

And oh, Barry Bonds may pass the current home run career record and Baseball Commissioner Dilbert P. Dither is going to / is not going to /yes he is going to / maybe / attend -- to be there when it happens. Because Barry Bonds was surly, a bad boy who wasn't polite to the press and Mr Bonds ALSO may well be one of the 300-500 MLB players who used stuff other than raw meat to get their weight up.

Stuff that is NOW illegal but wasn't when (and if) he used it.

Not that any of the others who used it were able to hit a fastball like Barry can.

Not that ANY home run king EVER had as low a percentage of strikeouts as Mr. Bonds.

Not that the Commish himself EVER did it, even in his prime, let alone at 43.

But Oh My, he might have enhanced something or other.


And Mr. Igaf called and said:

"This is about a bunch of poor boys who learned to play a game when they were kids and got really really good at it and now are rich -- grown men making millions of dollars a year playing that same kid's game.

"So what's the fucking problem? Why does anyone give a flying Igaf about any of it?

"And isn't it ironic that the man who WANTED to be baseball commissioner but didn't get it had to settle for being president. And HE was a RICH KID who grew up to play a GROWN MAN'S GAME, but does it like a kid."

Yes, Sam, it's ironic, but ultimately, IGAF.


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