Sweet KenLay's Baadasssss Song

I knew yesterday that Ken Lay had been indicted, but this morning my wife mentioned what she'd heard on the news -- that he'd turned himself in.

To be expected.

But on the other hand, wouldn't it have been nifty for him to try a getaway? On the run? Crawling through sewers and broiling in deserts? Chased down from one country to another by Interpol, Californians and the retirees whose pensions he stole? Sort of the whitebread version of Sweet Sweetback.

And the Greek Chorus of Oilmen's Club Members would ring through his ears:

"You can't get away Kenlay, the old folks know your name."

"I can run faster than they can."

"They got walkers, Kenlay."

"I can run farther than they can."

"They got Depends, Kenlay."

"If Sweetback could do it, so can I."

"Yeah, but everyone was cheering for Sweetback to make it. Everyone's cheering for you to get caught and strung up by your balls."

"I can hide."

"You bled their momma. You bled their poppa."

"Well they won't bleed me."

"You bled their sisters. You bled their brothers."

"They won't bleed me."

"You want to bet on that? Here come those old folks now, swinging their canes."

"Well..."

"You can't hide in California, not there. They want their money back and now you're broke. Can't hide in Houston, they know you there, too, and they want their pensions back. Bush won't answer your phone calls, Kenny Boy, he says 'Kenny who? I may have met him once, but...' Or maybe he just forgot. Either way, you're all alone. You can't get away."

"I can turn state's evidence, rat out everyone I ever knew, everyone who ever helped me, tell the feds what they got in return."

"Well, Kenlay, in the words of your pal's Mentor in the Veep's office, 'Go fuck yourself.'"

"But you're my angels. You're supposed to help me."

"You're gonna roll over on the people who got you all your goodies? Fuck you. And stop insulting rats -- you don't have half their integrity."

"But I didn't know what they were doing, didn't know how they were doing it."

"That's why you were always the perfect fall guy, 'cause you don't really know how to do anything. That's why you got that house in River Oaks."

"But it wasn't my idea to cheat like that."

"Of course not, Kenny Boy -- you didn't get that job because they thought you were smart. You weren't expected to have ideas. You were expected to stand there just as you are, holding the bag with a dumb, pissed off expression on your face."

A tip of the hat to Melvin van Peebles, who, in 1971, answered the incredibly stupid question "We already did one negro movie. How many do you people want?" by starting a revolution. And to Mario, who has been carrying it on. Here's a bit of an Ohh-mahj. Hope you enjoy it.

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