Senator Craig's list (of options)

Ok, we all know Carlo Collodi's Pinocchio popularization of the sleazily anti-semitic Vatican smear, that if you lie, your nose will grow, i.e., Jews lie and you'll become a Jew.


But when Senator Craig told his lies, who would have thought that growing nose would turn him into Jimmy Durante?

Did you ever have the feeling that you wanted to go,
And still have the feeling that you wanted to stay?
Start to go,
Change your mind,
Start to go again,
Change your mind again...
Did you ever have the feeling that you wanted to go,
And still have the feeling that you wanted to stay?
Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do -
I go!
I stay!

(I found the lyrics on this Finnish web site )

Jimmy Durante sang the song (as a character named Banjo) in the 1942 movie of the stage play The Man Who Came to Dinner (Also again as Billy Kipp in the 1944 movie Two Girls and a Sailor. And sung again, but not by Durante and amazingly poorly in My Stepmother Is an Alien )

And of course, in recent weeks, by the mind-melting Senator Larry "I'm not gay just because I'll give you a blow job* -- my mother gave my father a blow job and you're not calling my mother gay, are you?" Craig.

I'm not unsympathetic to a person who is watching his career and his entire facade publicly crumble into shit, even if the person is a vicious hypocrite who destroyed lives of other gay men and women for his own personal gain.

I could even suggest another Jimmy Durante song that might be helpful:

Smile,
Though your heart is achin'
Smile,
Even though it's breakin'
When there are are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile,
And maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shinin' through,
For you...

Light up your face with gladness
Hide, every trace of sadness
Although a tear
may be ever so near

Thats the time, You must keep on tryin'
Smile, what's the use of cryin'
You'll find that life is still worth while
If you just smile

Hang in there, Larry, and try to get really honest with yourself (Sometimes Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose) and maybe next June, I'll turn on the TV and see you up there in the Pride Parade, walking along with a rainbow flag right behind the Dykes on Bikes, leather harness all shiny and nipple rings polished bright as sunshine.



*( To be honest, I don't know if you were offering that cop your intent to give OR to receive.)